How to Start Your Own Cult (for Fun and Profit)
A Foolproof Guide to Mind Control (Just Kidding… Or Are We?)
How to Start Your Own Cult (for Fun and Profit)
So, You Want to Start a Cult?
Great. You've come to the right place. Cults are an age-old business model that somehow never goes out of style. From ancient prophets to modern self-help gurus, the ability to gather an army of loyal followers willing to part with their cash has always been an elite skill. And lucky for you, humans are predictable creatures with the same vulnerabilities they’ve always had—loneliness, insecurity, and a desperate need to feel special.
But before we dive in—relax. This isn't an actual step-by-step guide to brainwashing the masses (as fun as that sounds). It's an examination of how cults work, why people fall for them, and how you could theoretically build one—if you had the moral flexibility of a hedge fund manager and the charisma of a snake oil salesman.
Step 1: Find the Right Audience (The Desperate and Directionless)
Every good cult needs a niche. You’re not looking for the well-adjusted or the skeptical. You want people who feel adrift—those at a crossroads in life, searching for meaning, belonging, or an easy answer to their problems.
Recent trauma survivors (divorce, job loss, existential crisis—prime cult recruitment material)
College students (young, idealistic, and unsure about the world)
The spiritually curious (who wouldn’t want access to “ancient knowledge” for a small monthly fee?)
Doomscrollers (paranoid about the apocalypse? Boy, do I have a doomsday cult for you!)
Cults thrive in times of uncertainty. Economic collapse, pandemics, political unrest—these are the golden eras for charismatic leaders to swoop in with "the answer." So, if you were truly building one, you’d time your launch around societal panic. (Marketing 101.)
Step 2: Charisma First, Logic Never
No one joins a cult because they read a well-researched PowerPoint presentation. People follow because of emotion.
You, dear cult leader, don’t need to make sense. You need to sound like you do. Speak with confidence, repeat your message often, and throw in a sprinkle of mystery. The best cult leaders aren’t geniuses—they’re great storytellers.
Create an origin story – Maybe a divine entity whispered the truth to you while you were hiking. Maybe you cracked the code to human happiness while meditating in the desert. Doesn't matter. Just make it sound good.
Use big, vague promises – "You will transcend!" "We will change the world!" "Join us, and you will experience true enlightenment!" (Notice the lack of specifics.)
Invent your own language – The more jargon, the better. Give followers special terms that make them feel "in the know." Regular people say "being happy," but you say "aligning with The Source." Congrats, now your followers feel like insiders.
Step 3: Love Bomb, Then Isolate
At first, a cult feels like a warm hug from a thousand new best friends. This is by design.
Shower new recruits with attention and praise – “You’re so special.” “We’ve been waiting for you.” “You’re finally home.” The more vulnerable they are, the harder this hits.
Create an ‘us vs. them’ mentality – “The outside world is lost.” “Only we know the truth.” “Your friends and family just don’t understand.” (The goal is to make them dependent on you.)
Slowly increase demands – No one jumps straight to "give me all your money and cut off your family." Start small. Get them to attend more meetings, then donate a little, then move into your compound. By the time they realize they're in too deep, leaving is terrifying.
Step 4: Monetize the Madness
Let’s be honest—this is a business. And the best businesses have multiple revenue streams.
Membership fees – Spiritual enlightenment doesn't come free. Monthly payments, please.
Merchandise – Branded robes? Custom healing crystals? Limited-edition "ascension" books? If Scientology can sell e-meters, you can move some swag.
Courses and seminars – The more expensive, the better. Bonus points if you promise they'll "change your life forever."
Donations and tithes – Your followers should want to give everything to The Cause™. If they don’t, they’re clearly not committed enough.
And if you really want to level up, convince a few rich followers to sign over their assets. Now you’re in business.
Step 5: Keep the Illusion Alive
Cults work because they never let their followers reach the final prize. Keep moving the goalpost.
“You’re close to enlightenment, but you need just one more retreat.”
“The world will end soon, but we must prepare harder.”
“The next level of consciousness is within reach—but only for those truly devoted.”
Doubt is your enemy. Make questioning taboo. Those who ask too many questions? Exile them. And let their public fall from grace be a warning to others.
So, Why Do People Fall for This?
It’s easy to laugh at cults from the outside. But here’s the uncomfortable truth—we’re all susceptible.
Humans crave certainty, purpose, and belonging. When life feels chaotic, we gravitate toward anyone who claims to have the answers. Cult leaders don’t “brainwash” people—they offer relief from confusion and fear.
And that’s why cults will never go away. Whether it’s a guru, a self-help empire, or a political movement with all the signs of a religious following, the blueprint stays the same.
Cults don’t just happen. They thrive because they exploit the brain’s built-in glitches.
Let’s start with social conditioning. Humans are wired to follow the herd. Drop someone into a group where everyone believes the same nonsense, and—surprise!—they start nodding along. Bonus points if they’re cut off from outside opinions.
Then there’s commitment bias. Once people invest time, money, or their entire personality into something, they hate admitting they were wrong. It’s easier to double down than face reality. (Ever met a die-hard crypto bro? Same principle.)
And don’t forget the illusory truth effect. If you hear something enough times, it starts to feel true. That’s why cults love repetition. Chanting, mantras, daily affirmations—it’s all just brainwashing with a friendly face.
Now, mix in stress and uncertainty. When life feels like a dumpster fire, people will cling to anything that promises stability. That’s why cults flourish during economic crashes, pandemics, and whatever fresh hell is trending on Twitter.
Finally, we have charismatic authority. Logic doesn’t matter if someone sounds like they know what they’re talking about. A confident, passionate leader can sell just about anything—miracle diets, political conspiracies, or a one-way ticket to a doomsday bunker.
In short? Cults hack human psychology. And they’re disturbingly good at it.
Final Thought: Should You Do This?
Let’s be real—you’re probably not about to start a cult. (If you were, you wouldn’t need this guide. You’d already be convincing people you were the reincarnation of an ancient deity.)
But the mechanics of cults aren’t just for the overtly sinister. Marketers, influencers, politicians—many use the same psychological levers. So, the next time someone claims they have all the answers, maybe ask yourself:
Do they discourage critical thinking?
Do they demand total loyalty?
Are they selling something too good to be true?
Because whether it's a full-blown doomsday cult or just a particularly aggressive MLM, the game is the same. And if you’re not careful, you might just find yourself chanting along.
